When I'm Racing with Destiny.....

There is a moment in time which defines us all.

Today is the anniversary of that day for a lot of people. Today will be that day for a lot of people.

10 years ago today, I was in the throws of a bout of depression which had put me on sick leave for the first time in 10 years. I'd suffered periodically throughout the previous decade, but privately, painfully and with medication to keep me smiling.

This time however, it had gotten the better of me. No howling and wailing, but a vicious angry temper, followed by shameful woeful self-pity. My poor husband and cats took the brunt; I was always careful to protect my children from the mental ache I suffered. My doctor advised time away from work, before I sank the stapler into my boss and lost my job.

The children were at school, I was watching day-time childrens TV on Nick when a news flash; "Twin Towers on fire, Struck by Plane". I casually flicked over to CNN believing they would be more up to date than the BBC, and listened as they tried to analyse what had happened; what had hit; how were the rescue services dealing with it.

As I watched, confused by how something could mistakenly crash into something so large, the most terrible thing happened; another explotion from the second tower; the newscasters, although retaining their commentary, were verging on panic.

I sat, opened mouthed for a further half an hour, and heard reports of another crash to the Pentagon. I picked up the phone and called my husband, panicking for our safety. He worked in a Newspaper offices, he must know what was going on. He had no idea. He shouted to the office to put the TV screens on, and he says they all sat, in silence and watched the story repeat itself over and over.

I left the house and went to collect the children from school, and gathered them to me, and took them home. I remember speaking to a man at the school who had missed the news. He was confused and was looking at me as if he didn't believe me, but headed quickly away.

We sat that evening watching more coverage. The awful, awful horror of it sinking in. Those poor people, with no way out. Those poor people with no choice about their exit from life. Those brave people who died fighting to save those who couldn't save themselves.

I went back to work the next day.

Nothing in my life, no matter how bad it seemed in my crazy mixed up head, would ever be as bad again.