Home Sweet Home

Back to home and back in the cold. From the tropics of South America to arriving in Manchester with the temperature at 5 degrees is some shock to the system, thank god I had NY as my transition!

When we landed the pilot said over the speaker system "Welcome to Manchester". The people around me muttered "Thank God" and "Finally" but I for the first time I actually felt sad. My trip was over, this incredible journey I've been on for the past 6 weeks was over. I had been saying I was looking forward to getting home but I realised that was only because of Dad and the cats. A lot of my friends have gone to University and to be honest with you I was sat thinking to myself, why do I want to be here again?

Ilkley is where I live and I love it but there is always this sense of a bubble that traps you in. That familiar routine over and over, I wasn't ready for that, I'm not ready for that. On this trip I have noticed a change in myself and I like it! One thing I fear is that I'll slowly slip back to my old ways of slumming on the couch watching the clouds roll by. And right now I can't imagine doing that, I'm mentally and physically exhausted from travelling but I've caught the bug I want more and sitting still seems like torture right now.

I guess I've matured, whilst still holding every single ounce of immaturity I have in me. This trip opened my eyes truly to the sense of possibility, I also healed a lot of anxiousness around myself, gained a confidence, now knowing that whatever path I choose I will find the light in it. I no longer feel obligated to be controlled. I think all this happened when taking Ayahuasca. The 2nd night was magical and I was re-born in a sense (The people who were in the hut will understand this).

I've found myself a new nickname in the 'One winged Condor' and the metaphor works perfectly right now. I'm tying to spread my wings and fly but can't quite yet, I still need help, I'm not ready yet. And that is how I view myself right about now. People may not notice the change in me, but I do and for me that's the most important thing.

So I'm home and it's nice. This is my comfort zone, my rock, but the thing is I want to run wild, I don't want to be in my comfort zone! I want to shake things up and change the norm. I'm new, better, fresher and for the first time in a long time ready to step up to the level I have always had the ability to be at.

Note: I sometimes get these moods of motivation and inspiration and they last little time. But this time I feel like it's not being driven by something I've seen or admired. This comes from me...
As well as the Condor, I also took the shape of a Lion during Aya. This gave me power, more power than I've ever felt before. I roared like the king of jungle and for those moments I was. I won't forget that feeling and strongly believe I am going to carry that feeling through with me in anything I do in the future.

Ilkley seemed strange today when we drove back in. It seemed like years since I'd been here instead of weeks. I had a smile on my face but an unknowing smile, a curious look. I didn't really understand what I was feeling at first. Very strange, still not 100% sure but I think this blip has helped, in-fact all my blips have helped me express myself over this time, so I'll take this chance to thank all of you who have followed me and commented so kindly.

This last 6 weeks was the best time of my life, the most hilarious, the most guiding. All I'll say is Thank You to the people who helped me get there, you know who you are :) x