A confession

Hi everyone,

I felt the need to share this with you today. For the past few years (and I'm meaning like since primary), I've always felt sad, lonely, and angry. I've never had many friends (pretty much my entire life), and I've always been an outcast, and have always felt different. I don't know if it's hormones (which I really hope it is!), but seeing everyone else out with friends all the time, all happy and confident.... It's just so... Demoralising.

I am socially awkward, shy, quiet, an outcast, and weird. Obviously I have good qualities as well, but no one seems to notice. I mean, the closest thing I have to a friend up here is Declan (an 11 year old primary school kid), and even with that I can feel us drifting apart. I do have a couple of close friends, but I rarely, if ever, see them out of school. Pretty much everyday is spent sitting in the house doing nothing, feeling all sad and crap.

Whenever people ask me how I am, I usually say 'I'm fine/good, how are you?' Most if the time, I feel horrible, but I don't know who to speak to. I know that 'googling' things like this isn't usually accurate, but I might tell my parents eventually, and maybe see a doctor or something. I know people say 'You'll get friends at uni!' or something like that, but I don't want to have to wait till uni! I just wish I could be normal!

This is the first time I've said all of this in public. Being in blip feels like being part of a community, so I feel like I should share this. There's some wonderful people on here!

Thank you for reading if you did, but don't feel like you have to give me sympathy! It's been going on my entire life, so I'm pretty much used to it. Oh, and sorry if I've made you feel depressed or anything (no pun intended), but I felt like I had to share this.

Have a nice Sunday

Steven