Nuclear Winter

I can't even remember where I left you guys. I don't think I got into the details and I don't think I will. I'm struggling with my ex having a kid. I can't hold it against her. It's exactly what she wanted and exactly why I broke up with her, but I'm still not over her. It left me confused and full of doubt and that feeling sort of peaked the day I made it to St. Andrews (this February). This is where I have to be vague, so I'll just say I realized that night I had to get my life sorted and move on. I need a change more than ever. I went on to have a crazy 5 day weekend, met up with all my St. Andrews friends and had a reunion with (almost) all my old uni friends who came up to see me. As soon as I got back I was motivated, driven, ready to take on the world. I'm training again and eating right, but mostly because I want to look good for my return to the city, whatever city that ends up being. I've been applying to some really great schools, but they're mostly long shots. I get it. As great as I am at my job and with all the extras I come with I'm still just a kid. I know if some 24 year old showed up to a parents night my mother would have lost her shit. "This is the guy who's gonna get my boy into university!?" Still, I'm hopeful. I've got more going for me than going against me and I really do kill it in these interviews. Something's gonna stick.

As for my blip. This is part one of three. I've pretty much gone all film as you know. every 6 months I use my DSLR and I'm amazed and love it and love my photos, but there's something about using film that I enjoy and that makes me a better photographer. My whole attitude is different when I shoot with film. There are all the decisions you make seconds and milliseconds before taking a photo, but with film I'm making decisions before I even leave the house. Even if I don't know exactly what I want to do, I have to commit to something. It can be awkward and frustrating, but I work better that way.

Kiev 88cm
Arsat C 80mm
Svema foto 64 (expired '92)

posted 28/02/2011
from Benbecula, UK