When Your Arse Is the Size of a Small Country....

How do you look Schexy in Bike Helmet?

You don't.

After a few days of cycling sans helmet, and being met with glares from mums and dad who were cycling with Be-helmeted children saying "Mummy, that lady isn't wearing a helmet", I would shout back "I'm bad, I'm a bad, bad lady, and you shouldn't copy me", I decided that I should plink said helmet on my head.

This also had more to do with the fact it was raining, and I thought maybe helmet would save my hair? Wrong.

My problem is, that after 40 something (Shit really, that old), years of cycling without a helmet, I have never had an accident which involved my head. The only serious accident I have had, occurred when I was 5.

I fell off my bike near the local shop, and in the panic which always ensues from a public fall, I scrambled back onto my bike, with scraped knees and elbows, in a rush to get home.

What I didn't realise though, was that my seat had fallen off in the "accident", and thence followed the second part of the accident.

And they don't have helmets for that.