insight

Spent all of today thinking about the response to yesterday's blip from Northern. I guess what I was trying to say, and obviously not explaining very well, is that I recognised yesterday that my reaction wasn't really about housework.

Food left in pots and teabags dumped when my flatmate has gone for 5 days, and has already in her mind moved on, is annoying but ultimately trivial.
What the process of blipping revealed to me, as so often over the last month (have been doing this over a month! Where has the time gone?!), is that my reactions are often not about the current situation, but instead they are reflections of much older, deeper memories and patterns which are constantly re-evoked and still resonating in my present life.

This practice of blipping is revealing to me so much more than I ever realised. It has turned into a mechanism of exploration of my emotions, and of the patterns of thought and behaviour that are so habitual that they are mostly largely invisible to me; but that shape my life, my reactions to it, and my self-image.

Often when blipping I find myself capturing fleeting thoughts, that normally slip away before I realise they were there; but the injuries to self accumulate and persist long after my mind has moved on: guilt, fear, anxiety.
But blipping also lets me acknowledge to myself my own strengths, my successful strategies for coping, my competence; as well as revelling in hope and the pleasures of my life, my family and my friends.

Perhaps these are too many words for blip, perhaps this is not appropriate, but this process seems to work for me. Sometimes it is the picture that triggers the realisation, sometimes the other way round, but in looking for the blip I've also found new insight and a clarity of vision and understanding. And in blipping, I've found a way to step back and let go of those old patterns.

Just under a month ago I wrote something down and I found it today:
most of the time I hide what I'm feeling even from myself, let alone from other people

I'm trying to be truthful now. Thank you for listening.