The Morning Sad.

Veruca Salt.

You wake up. You don't know what time it is but it's early enough in the morning that the sun hasn't completely risen yet, so you know you have about three hours in front of you before your day starts. You then remember. And cry. It's the same reason you cried yourself to sleep last night. You manage to fall back to sleep again for a period of time. Dream. One relates to a bunch of strangers staying in a haunted hotel. Another is related to your crying. It makes you nervous even though it isn't real and absolutely would not happen. Your alarm wakes you up. You shut it off and realize you are soaked in sweat because the air-conditioning never seems to be on no matter how much your parents insist it is. You look over at your new frog, alive and alert in it's tank. The food is gone. Good, it's eating. It wants to live. You're glad. Maybe it will have a name soon. No ideas come to mind. Your mind wanders again and you start to cry.

You get up. You shower. You get dressed. The hair-dryer has stopped working. You're still softly crying through all this. You think about taking a photo of yourself for the morning after. You try. Photos look terrible. It was a ridiculous idea anyway.

You finally get yourself together and think you're ready to face the day. You walk down the stairs. As you reach the last several steps, you slip. Fall. You end up sitting on the floor, in shock, and suddenly burst into tears. Loudly. Your purse gets thrown onto the floor with a loud, "Goddammit!" Your phone flies out somewhere. Your arm, legs, back hurts. You finally get enough strength to get yourself up to crawl over and grab your purse, because you have to leave or you'll be late. You grope around on the floor for your phone; it's hard to see because your eyes are waterfalls. Stupid fucking stairs. You find your phone. In three pieces.

You go to the meeting. The one where you have to figure out how much money you'll have to pay for college this year. She greets you.

"How are you? It's good to see you!"
You think, Shut up. And feel guilty thinking that.
You say, "I'm fine. Good to see you too."

You space out through the meeting. Her and your father go over figures and you just stare at the papers numbly. You keep thinking about things you shouldn't. You also find out that you almost couldn't go back to school this year, which would have been awful.

Meeting's over. "I hope you enjoy the rest of your summer."
You say, "I'll try."

You think you've managed to stop crying. Yes. You think it will be okay. At least for today. You've finished thinking all you need to think. Then you get an unexpected text message.

And you're not sure what to think of it.
But you feel better. Strangely.
And time WILL help. Eventually.
And today will be okay, now.
Just take it one day at a time....
It's okay :-)

Calm. Smile.

The end of the day at work nears and you start to remember that you have to take a blip. So you take your camera out of your purse and you discover...

it's broken.




*I also keep feeling like throwing up today. :-(
*Took a photo of it with my sister's camera. Don't like the quality. The camera still functions, it's just difficult to turn it on without the aid of an object like a pencil.