This woman

Katy "I Can Cook" Ashworth is my nemesis. Look at her, look at that smug, sanctimonious, stuck up face. Imagine having to watch a week's worth of episodes in one go, on a daily basis, given you are on sofa rest and attempting to entertain a two year old. Imagine, every time you stumble into the kitchen,. said two year old dragging a chair over and saying "you cookin'? I Can Cook, mummy. First we wash our hands...." and then interfering in everything you do. Imagine waking up in the night after dreaming of this witch with her badly written food-themed songs, flat singing voice, and having to stamp down an overwhelming urge to ram her strumming guitar up her tight arse.

Roll on a year, and the two year old's obsession has waned. You have a glut of courgettes. Unfortunately the memory of her recipes is burned forever in your brain, and you think, ah yes, courgette cake. Why not? Well, according to the now-three year old, the result is "poohey" and "makes me ill" We've made three baking trays worth 8)

As you can see from this photo, even the ducks won't touch them.