10... 9...

Usually the sports section of the newspaper lies unread on the floor for a couple of weeks before finally making its way towards the pile of stuff for the paper-recycling bin. If I've been out in the rain it'll sometimes be scrunched up inside my trainers to aid them through the drying process; every time one of our cheap Ikea glasses reaches its thousand-wash limit and shatters in the sink the sports section will wrap it up and escort it from the premises. This year, to save it from tears, we gave it to our friends and relatives wrapped around their presents instead of wrapping-paper, partly as it's probably mildly more ecologically sound and possibly just a little bit because for the past few years we've been doing a small-present-limit thing with both sets of families and there seemed little point wrapping paltry gifts in expensive paper only for it to be ripped off by the sticky fingers of sugar-fuelled nieces and nephews or the brazil-nut-and-wine-smeared claws of my dad.

I was slightly worried about the risk of news-ink being transferred to one of Nicky's presents which is white so used the shiny magazine section instead; by chance the first five and the eighth and ninth pages (double, counting from the middle leaf) fortuitously featured full-page pictures of adverts which could be cunningly arranged to make an attractive (if unrelated to either christmas or the contents) yet inexpensive wrapping. It would also let me know which order I meant to hand the presents over had I not subsequently forgotten which way round the vacuum cleaner and goggles go. I think it's the vacuum cleaner first. It's not that important though.

There is one more thing to wrap but it must wait until Nicky goes to sleep or at least leaves the room so that she can't see the computer screen or hear the printer and it wouldn't have fitted on the shelves anyway.

Is everyone excited?