Through The Trees

Took a slightly different route home today. This woodland path looked only slightly nightmarish, and so worth a wander. The walk would have been a lot more pleasant had I not been accosted by a cross-dressing wolf (not that I'm being judgmental; I'm very tolerant of the lupine LGBT community) and then diverted via a house made of confectionery, where I met a lovely old lady (couldn't stay for tea, but did advise her against using a flame-based stove in a cottage whose principle building material is glucose).

I got to wondering, as I ambled past a small child being mauled by bears, why it is that these types are only ever in the woods. I've never once met a troll at a zebra crossing, or in Millets. Go in amongst the trees, and you're fending them off with a stick. I got absolutely mobbed by the hairy bastards about halfway through the forest, although in retrospect, I accept that they may have just been environmentalists (they did all have woolly hats and guitars). It's much the same story with fauns, satyrs, dwarves, centaurs, unicorns and MK Dons fans. In fact, practically any creature with any kind of mythical status seems to want to spend all of its time wallowing in the mud and leaves, rather than coming out into the light of society, where it can finally be acknowledged properly, and then put in a zoo, where it belongs. There's just no helping some folk.

Anyway, I've decided I like my normal route home better. The only endangered species I have to watch out for on that path is cyclists; and believe me, the next one I spot hurtling down the hill at thirty miles an hour without due care or attention really will be an endangered species.