Little Fists

politicians pick the pleasure and the pain
in the pouring rain
you clench your
little fists against the world
you're screaming
you're asking the leaves to change

-david berkeley


[drug seeking behavior]

my heart hurts today.

32 windows and all the doors of my school were broken, shattered this weekend. some random, senseless act of violence against a school that has always promoted peace above and beyond anything else. all i want to know is why. all i want to do is make it stop, yet i feel so helpless in the face of all this overwhelming tragedy.

shakes little fists at the world

all that glitters...

...is not gold. but i am raccoon-like, drawn to the shimmering. my attraction for those objects that sparkle mirrors my own behavior towards men in my life. i am drawn to what i cannot have, what glows brightest. in doing so i deny what is not only available, but what is also, most importantly, good for me. my [love] drug seeking behavior is only self-defeating, yet i perpetuate my own alone-ness as if i were blind, senseless to everything but what shines. so i'm something of a masochist as well.

shakes little fists at inner conflict

but i know that shaking my fists accomplishes nothing. so i welcome hate with open arms, countering the only way i know how. with love. i will meet it head on, starting today.

with arms outstretched

i welcome change.