In the early 1990s I became depressed due to a horrible stressful work situation. Of course I had felt depressed before, but this was different. I was listless, fearful, I coudn’t make decisions, I didn’t want to do anything. I was prescribed anti-depressants by a lovely lady doctor who Read more...

In the early 1990s I became depressed due to a horrible stressful work situation. Of course I had felt depressed before, but this was different. I was listless, fearful, I coudn’t make decisions, I didn’t want to do anything. I was prescribed anti-depressants by a lovely lady doctor who always asked:” How are things in the bedroom department?” 
 
In 1994 or 1995 I went a bit wonky. I became obsessed about making crackers for the department’s Xmas party and devising a ‘lightbulb’ joke for each one. (How many social workers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?) I was apprehended at a railway station by my wife and a man who turned out to be a psychiatrist. He took me to the local psychiatric hospital for observation. I was told I was suffering from ‘mood swings’ now known as bipolar disorder.
 
They put me on ‘lithium.’ It’s not pure lithium, that would kill you, but lithium carbonate. They call if a mood stabiliser. In my experience it takes away mood extremes and leaves you somewhere in the middle. You can still get depressed, or become a bit over elated.  Depression was still my main issue, often brought on by stress so they started giving me anti-depressants  too.
 
Because I am currently hobbling about with a strained thigh muscle, it is easy for people to be sympathic.  My mate has offered to shop for me. No-one has ever offered to shop for me because I am depressed. (‘Well Martin needs to pull himself together and get on with it.’)
 
Because you can’t see a mental health issue, doesn’t mean it isn’t real. I now diagnose myself as having ‘wonky brain syndrome.’  I also realise that how well or poorly you deal with your world is crucial too.  But you can’t just shake yourself out of it. Personally I liked the lockdowns as isolating myself from the world suited me fine even if it might have been counter productive.
 
My great outlet is writing. I do writing of some sort every day. For me it is vital to express myself whether in a story, a poem or a  Bipfoto text. Hello.  It’s me. I’m here! And photography I think is a very mindful activity which I enjoy greatly.

Please feel free to contact me. martinrusselluk@yahoo.co.uk