Breakable

and we are so fragile,
and our cracking bones make noise,
and we are just breakable,
breakable,
breakable girls and boys


-ingrid michaelson



[fractured]


do not resuscitate.


i got the phone call last night from my mom. my grandpa had a massive heart attack. he is in ICU with failing a failing heart and lungs. he's been ordered to be dnr (do not resuscitate or ventilate) if he should stop breathing. i'm going home tomorrow.
man i hate hospitals.


do not resuscitate.


someone put orders on this week to be dnr should something go wrong. and it has gone WAY wrong. i feel like i can't catch my breath. so many things are absolutely fucked up right now, and for once i don't know how to fix them (yet i was the one who messed up in the first place.) i just can't collect myself enough to make things right.
it's just wave after wave and i keep going under.


just keep breathing.


so i'm putting away my dancing shoes, buckling down, and trudging through this.
somehow.