Strawberry Mango Lemonade

Life has taught me that the truth triggers a greater reaction than a lie does. If a person's shortcomings and deep-seated insecurities were brought to light by someone else, the person would be likely to become angry and defensive, but only if he believed it to be true. Take Hitler for instance. He was a big believer in animal rights. He never ate meat and he always treated animals well (despite his dark nature). If someone called him a dog killer or accused him of clubbing seals to death, Hitler the animal lover probably would have laughed it off, thinking the person was crazy for believing such a ridiculous thing because it was obviously not true. However, if the same person called him a horrible and demented power-hungry man with absolute no regard for the human race, Hitler would probably have gone berserk and had that person killed right there and then, because, deep down, he knew what that person said was true.

That is one of the reasons why I think it's very important for a person to take the time to get to know and accept herself and her strengths, weaknesses, fears, goals, and extraordinary nature and use that innate knowledge to be personally active in making herself a better person. Otherwise, people with misguided or quite possibly malicious intentions could slander her with their hurtful words and succeed, only because the person is not secure enough to take a firm belief in who she is and detect and dismiss the underlying treachery in others' words.

When I was growing up, I was called stupid, lazy, and worthless among other hurtful names so often that I allowed that negative image projected upon me to destroy my self-esteem because, as a child, I didn't know myself well enough to believe otherwise. I wasn't old enough to laugh it off because I had yet to recognize my own intelligence, liveliness, and potential. Instead, I'd cry and feel deep hatred for myself for not being smart enough, active enough, or worthy enough to be respected by the person who was calling me all these things. All the while, I asked myself a multitude of questions -- Why am I such a rotten, horrible kid? What did I ever do wrong? Why won't I ever amount to anything? How can I make myself not stupid so he'll finally be nice to me?

Now, as an adult, I know myself well enough to disregard any baseless insults directed towards me. I am still constantly put down by that same person, but I have come to accept the fact that he just does not respect me and is deeply ashamed of me -- maybe because I'm deaf, maybe because I'm a woman, or maybe just because I'm not perfect. I've stopped trying to figure out why he has never treated me like a decent human being because I know who I am, and I know fully well that I deserve to be treated better. With that kind of confidence in me, I just let his endless diatribes roll off my back because I am fully aware that he has never taken the time to get to know me in my entirety.

Sometimes, when my back is turned, he makes fun of my deafness and even my speech. He thinks I can't hear him, but I can. That makes me really angry, because, whether I like it or not, my deafness is part of my character, and he is insulting something I know is true about myself -- the fact that I'm not perfect when it comes to understanding and communicating with other people.

I've learned that by paying attention to your reactions towards others' positive or negative comments about you, you can figure out what you really believe about yourself and eventually use that knowledge to your advantage by improving yourself. It's a hard thing to do, but I'm trying to stay strong and keep believing in myself, regardless of what anyone says.