ukulele, ill and a head full of self doubt

My ukulele was a gift to me from my brother and my sister in law a couple years ago.
I've always loved it. I'm still fumbling along trying to teach my self and as with my other instruments, I will one day when I can afford it, get some proper tuition.

Here's a little snippet of my uke playing of around 4months ago

I'm still ill and just couldn't go into work. I'm also going through a touch of the self doubt-you know the kind of thing...
"I don't want to die having never achieved anything"
"I want to leave my son something worthwhile"
"I want to be happy"
"Do something I really want to do"
"Blah Blah Blah"
You know that kinda self whiny worry.
I'm just a head full of things and a head full of snot-Blurghhh