The Kitchen Window

So this is the kitchen window. Each and every notice here has been lovingly typed by the office manager (mum) with the intention of saving herself work. I think most were put up before I started, although I am a bugger for piling my rubbish up at the side of a bin.

The handwash is highlighted because the other day Ross told me he thought I was 'the most unhygienic person he knows'. Shortly after he relieved himself in his own garden before eating BBQ food. However his case point is that my handwash at home is 'about fifty years old'.

What he doesn't know is the posh Boots Royal Jelly handwash is put away when he comes round and the Tesco Peach one is brought out. It makes your hands smell like an old peoples home. Nobody wants that. Not even old people.

I've been asked by the editor of The Lincolnshire Echo if I'd be interested in writing an off the wall, daringly funny article every week for the newspaper on the subject of some football team or other that I occasionally pose as an expert on. My fanzine The Deranged Ferret is due out Monday and he got an advance copy for a bit of a plug. Apparently it had him in stitches in places and he wants more: lots more. He wants it every week, he wants it in a column in the local rag (covering Englands 2nd largest county). To put it blatantly: I'm wanted.

I'm sure me having a regular column taking the piss out of my football team won't impact even slightly on my position at the football club.....

Off to Norfolk later which should be good. Going with Ross and Tara, so better remember my handwash.

I must also remember my phone and my laptop as I want to be able to keep in touch with Debs. We still haven't met despite being so close but things are tough for her right now. However I have no doubt that it'll all be good when we do. I've suggested next weekend, I dunno maybe thats pushy.... we text good morning and good night and message / email during the day. I'm hoping charm and wit will have temporarily blinded her.

Did you know on occasion one of my eyes closes slightly more than the other? I had my eyebrow pierced and went in the Poacher suit straight after causing a scabbed infection that closed my eye for three weeks. I was 21 at the time, scabby eyepatches are not a good look at that age.