Black Tuesday

I shall put all events up to 3.30pm out of my mind. Otherwise I might have to growl like an angry bear.

You'd think I'd be really fit, jumping through all of these hoops, and then finding that when you thought you'd jumped through them with grace and finesse, that actually, the hoop moved AFTER you jumped through it AND it became a more difficult hoop to jump through.

I am a competent professional. In fact, I am pretty good at my job. I dislike being made to feel like I am trying to be dishonest when actually, I am probably my harshest critic.

See.

Just saying "put it out of my mind" made me angry.

Positives though...a coffee with a colleague and an opportunity to vent my spleen. Reflexology with Pat, who jokes that she is a witch, but I am starting to believe has magic powers anyway; curry at our favourite restaurant for tea and tales of Day 2 of the SATs tests (still positive); a slow dawning that maybe it might be concussion that is causing me to feel like I am still on a boat, nearly 4 days after arriving home (can rollercoasters give you concussion?); being enlightened by my son and my husband that yes, indeed, boys do have a special place in their heads for information about "supercars" and that it is the same place that girls have for storing information about perfume and clothes.

Went out in low light around 8.45 this evening looking for photos in the garden. All I could find were water droplets on leaves, so the macro rings came out, along with the LED lamp and this is my favourite. This came a close second and was closer to the dark mood I am apparently in.

Hospital with Nan on Thursday for a Dopplar scan - am going to find out what that is now.

Throughout today, at various points I have heard my Grandad's voice in my head and when I got into my car this afternoon, it smelled like my Grandad's cars always used to smell. In my head, the voice was telling me to "stand your ground, girl". I like that my memories of him shape into a positive voice in my head when I need him. It's like he is still here sometimes - I hope that I would have made him proud.