There's a big war going on between the big, old-fashioned oranges, big, fuckoff, kind of oranges, and the new baby Satsuma, Minneola, kumquat - because to eat a Satsuma, it's a piece of piss. And you've got so much of it, and if there's people in the room, you go, "Go on, Satsuma for everyone!" And if you're the other person in the room, you go, "No, no. Well, all right, yeah. Thank you very much."

Eddie Izzard has obviously never met anything like this awkward little bugger. This thing had the soul of an undercover orange, giving up its peel in unsatisfying little scraps. I feel quite cheated.