Guilt

I've had a lovely day.

I slept in.

I did coffee and homemade brownies with a good friend. We've thought of a potentially exciting teaching project between us.

I went for a long walk with Cousteau and friends.

I watched the sunset.

I realised tonight as I was sitting on a log on the beach, feeling guilty that I hadn't managed to fit a kayak in with Canterbury (not his doing) and the fact that I'd left Cousteau alone on his bed (he doesn't care), rather than bring him down to the beach, and that I've been a less than perfect partner, teacher, friend of late, that I constantly saddle myself with guilt. It's such a wasted emotion but it's no big revelation - I've always done it, I just thought I'd changed and was more in control. Tonight, while I witnessed the most subtly beautiful sunset I've seen in a while - all alone - I worked out that I still do it.

I want to get rid of that feeling. I need to find a more productive emotion to replace it..

Sorry, just thinking outloud.

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Somehow, this shot spoke to me today.