Empty Beachfront.

For the last few days we've been expecting the delivery of a chemical toilet for the caravan and for the last few days I've missed it. I'm not very good in the morning you see. I usually wake up late with no recollection of my alarm even going off. Having been told that the delivery people call if you don't answer the door I once even slept with the phone on my pillow. I still got up to find a little 'YOU WEREN'T IN' note on the doormat. I felt like leaving them a 'JUST LEAVE IT, IT'S A CHEMICAL TOILET FOR CHRIST SAKE' note.

To ensure I got the delivery I got up at 8 and moved, with all my stuff, from the caravan to the sofa in the house. I conked out straight away and woke up confused when there was a knock on the door. The window is directly opposite the sofa. God knows what the deliveryman saw as he walked past. Most likely some horrific sprawling creature with its undignified mouth agape and gravity defying hair. I was still sleepy and confused when I stumbled to the door to sign for the package. So confused in fact that it took me a while to figure out how to hold the pen that was attached to a coiled wire that made this simple task seemingly impossible.