The Husband Catcher

That's what it means in Darfur when you only have henna on your right hand. Scary business, husband catching. Sounds like a disease.

One year ago. So much has happened in one year. I can't even imagine what's going to happen by this time next year.
Year One of medical school will be under my belt. Will I be back in South Sudan on a medical outreach trip? I hope so.
It reminds me of one of my recurring thoughts.. I just love hoping; and I hate being disappointed. It's true. Hope is my favorite thing in the world. It is an expectancy. It brings me joy. It comes from the Lord. It is pure and lovely and bright and wonderful.
I am still impacted from BJ's mom Barbara (or Meemaw as we affectionately call her now) praying over me six days ago when I was lying on my bed, protected by my precious mosquito net. There have been a lot of things weighing heavily on my heart and bringing my spirit down. Some things that I have no control over. Others that I do. Things that I have been praying fervently about for years now. It is amazing how much damage negative ideas can do to someone as sensitive to words of affirmation as I am. Sometimes I dislike that about myself that I am affected by words. I have dated a string of negative people who have contributed to that damage unfortunately. And it has finally stopped. I am usually not single. It's not that I am afraid of being single (or.. maybe it is?), I am just usually in a relationship. And it's also usually not healthy or long-term. I'm not in one now and I have a feeling that this solitude is here to stay for a while. I am not looking. I am not going to force anything. I am not going to make something out of nothing. I am not going to pursue anyone. I want to be pursued, damn it. That, in my opinion, is what a man should do. Having conversations with Mark in Africa about this topic just solidifies that role in my mind. For some reason, guys in my generation (in my experience) do not pursue or court anymore. That is just... not going to cut it with me.
I remember one of my best friends Casey telling me that when she started dating her husband Chris she told him that just because they were finally dating didn't mean he could stop pursuing her. I know that to be true. In every relationship I've been in as an adult, the moment he stopped pursuing me, I was no longer interested.
I don't know why I'm writing all of this. I don't necessarily want this information out in the open. It makes me feel a tad vulnerable... and at the same time, it gives me freedom from seeking it out for myself. (Terrifying freedom, being this open about my thoughts.) For some reason, I just have to be honest and candid with myself to remind myself what I have actually been waiting for. I am not going to settle. And writing this out holds me accountable. (Yeah, try as I might to hide it, I am a girl.) I know there is someone out there who can make me laugh, travel all over the world with me, learn and speak foreign languages with me, encourage me to love Jesus more, and challenge my intellectual curiosity. Sounds too good to be true... but I know it exists. I finally know it exists. And it is what I want. Thank you, Barbara and BJ, for praying with me in Africa. You have rekindled the hope in me again. And with that, there is actually peace too.

Mmm.. now to a much needed pedicure with Brighton.
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Catching up on my trip to Africa:
Day 1
Day 2
Day 3
Day 4
Day 5
Day 6
Day 7
Day 8
Day 9