The End

Just to warn everyone, this is going to be an essay, because I'm going to write a big, long, sentimental, summing up account of my amazing 10 months in Stockholm.

So if you don't want to be stuck reading for hours, stop reading now. I won't be offended :)

So I'm back where I started 10 months ago. Except this time everything is going back into the suitcases. It's amazing how much crap I've accumulated whilst living here. My room looks really empty and bare now, it feels weird to think I'll never come back here (the family are moving house after I leave).

I guess when I arrived here at the beginning of September, I didn't know what to expect out of this year. I guess I was excited, scared, and probably sad to leave my friends and family behind in Edinburgh. I remember after a couple of weeks, I'd started listening to Frightened Rabbit wherever I went, because I loved their accents.

It didn't take me long to get into a routine with work, and the kids made it very easy for me. Looking back now, I feel so lucky to have found such a kind and welcoming family to work for. I've met a few other au pairs that had such bad experiences with their host families. I know I was really naïve about the whole thing when I first thought of au pairing. And it all happened so fast! By the next morning, Cecilia called me and I accepted immediately. We had one phone call lasting half an hour, in which it was decided that I would fly out to them at the beginning of September. So within 24 hours I had gone from thinking of au pairing as a sort of dream option that would never happen, to everything being decided!

At first it was difficult, because you arrive in this strange new city totally alone. I didn't know anyone my age, I hardly knew Stockholm (I'd been there once before for a week on a family holiday 5 years earlier), and my knowledge of the Swedish language was limited to "hej" and "tack". But I soon learnt there was a whole secret au pair underworld, with loads of girls from different countries who had all arrived at the same time and knew no one! There were Facebook groups and special meetings and cafés organised just so we could meet each other and make friends. So for the first few months I met many other au pair girls for "fika". Some of them I got on well with, some I met just once and didn't stay in contact at all after that.

I also spent the first few months learning how to be with the kids. I think at first we were all pretty shy of each other. Although, Johanna is the most confident 12 year old I've ever met! Fabbe was more reserved, but as we spent more time together we all grew closer and by the end they really felt more like friends/siblings than just children that I was employed to look after.

So by Christmas I had made a few friends, settled into my new life and I was enjoying my time in Stockholm. (The real winter hadn't set in yet, so I was still enjoying the snow!) But I'd heard from many people that after the Christmas break is when the real homesickness kicks in. So I went home, had a fantastic time seeing all my friends again after 5 months. We had a lovely Christmas, then I had my 18th birthday, then an amazing Hogmanay.

Then when the time came to say goodbye it felt awful, because I knew how it felt to be away from them all, and I didn't want to go through missing everyone all over again. It wasn't that I didn't want to go back to Stockholm, but I also didn't want to leave Edinburgh again. But as soon as I arrived back in Stockholm and I saw the family I realised that I'd missed them whilst I was staying in Edinburgh! So it felt good to be back.

When I arrived back I heard that some new girls arrive in the city after Christmas, so I looked on the au pair Facebook group and saw a few new girls has written messages there. So I sent a few of them messages. I remember Facebook stalking one girl in particular, and seeing that we had pretty much the same music taste. So I sent her a friendly message, and she replied, and at the end she wrote "Ps. you have good music taste :P" And that's where I knew we would be friends! (I'm writing this because I know she'll be reading this.. Hiya Minttu!)

So I remember a group of 4 of us meeting up for a coffee in Gamla Stan (so grown up). I'd met the 2 other girls before, and then this new Finnish one came along. So we sat in this café and chatted, and we ended up deciding to go out on the next Saturday to this club in town. (Because I could finally do that, since I had just turned 18)

I think there was 5 of us that met up that Saturday to go to Ace for the first time. Minttu, Ramona, (German) Anne and (New Zealand) Anne. I didn't realise before, but I'd met Ramona and (German) Anne before at an au pair meeting. So we ended up getting on really well, particularly Ramona, Minttu and I (future "Woo Crew"... don't ask).

Soon after we began to meet up more often and they began to feel like real friends, who I could be my weird, immature self around. We started going out to Ace and Baba Sonic more often, where we got to meet real Swedish people! It was very exciting.. and we were instantly exotic and interesting when we told them we were from "Tyskland, Finland och Skottland".

Ramona and Minttu decided that my Swedish wasn't good enough, so they started the "Learn Swedish with Ramona and Minttu" course, and through it I learnt to speak excellent Swenglish. (But actually, I really do think I learnt to much from them.)

And we began to have weird inside jokes, new words and catch phrases (Najs! Ta det lungt! Det gör inget! Gra! Night fever, Creepy French Guys #1,2,3,4 and 5, pinky promises, Ginger DJ's, Johnny Cash, Octopus's Garden, Hot Train Guy, Pose pictures, "!(£&(*$)%)_£(", Smithsism/Smithsish, "älskar du Star Wars?" The list goes on, and on, and on...).

So basically, Ramona and Minttu became my best friends in Stockholm. And I was getting on great with the family, so life was good! And by this time the awful (I mean really, really awful) winter had begun to subside.

In March I had a visit home, where I did an epic tour of Scotland visiting friends at universities. It was great fun, but it really wasn't as sad to say goodbye to them this time, because I knew I'd be seeing them soon and I felt like I had so much to go back to in Stockholm.

Towards the end of May, Minttu was beginning to panic because she was leaving soon. So we started meeting every single day, doing things on a list that we'd written of things we want to do before leaving Stockholm.

When it was time for Minttu to leave it was really sad., but we knew that we'd definitely stay in touch, and we'd even started planning for Ramona and I to visit her in finland in July! It's funny how close you can get to someone in just 4 months. Because I really do feel like Minttu and Ramona are now two of my best friends.

So by this time I had just one month left in Stockholm and Ramona and I continued to meet up as much as possible and I began to really appreciate my time with the kids, because I felt like my time was running out!

We would often meet up and hang around in the city just chatting, or sitting on the grass in Kungsträgården or in Södermalm (my favourite area of the city, it's like my dream to live there one day!). It was really nice, and I almost (almost) felt like a local Stockholmer. The most exciting thing that happens is when a tourist asks you for directions and you can tell them where to go!

So today was my last day then. There were lots of lasts; my last time riding my bike to Åkeshov tunnelbana station, my last time waiting next to ICA in T-Centralen (our special meeting place), my last time going to Hemköp to buy food, my last time using my SL card, my last ride on the tunnelbana, my last bike ride ever, my last time using the hoover, my last dinner with the family... etc etc

I don't really know how I feel about going home tomorrow morning. Of course I really can't wait to see all my friends and family again. I know this summer will be really amazing. But also, I feel like I know Edinburgh so well. Even after 10 months of living in Stockholm, I was still learning new things about Sweden and the city every day. There are so many things I'm going to miss that I've grown to take for granted!

I'll miss not understanding what people are saying, and the Swedish accent.
Hearing the uncensored versions of songs playing on the radio, and hearing Swedish music every day.
Eating cereal with yoghurt instead of milk, having a "sandwich" with only one slice of bread.
Knowing that a sharp intake of breath does not mean you've shocked of offended the person you're speaking to, it's just like a British person saying "mmm".
Having to pay for plastic bags at the supermarket.
The smell of Cinnamon buns from the Pressbyrån as you walk into any Tunnelbana station.
Answering the phone and then promptly having to interrupt the person at the other end to explain that I don't speak Swedish.
Willys (The supermarket, don't get the wrong idea)
Telling people "Jag kommer från Skottland" and them answering "Skottland??" every time., before telling me that I don't sound Scottish.
Seeing Volvos everywhere.
Paying the equivalent of £5 for a cider in a bar, and thinking it's a reasonable price.

I could go on and on, but I really should sleep since I have to get up at 6am tomorrow, and it's almost 1am now.

Sorry again for the essay (50 points to anyone who read through it all), but this has been the best 10 months of my life and I felt like it needed some sort of summing up. I guess all good things must come to an end... (Now I have Nelly Furtado in my head. Great :/ )

So, hejdå Stockholm, tack för allting! Jag ska saknar dig så mycket, men vi ses igen snart! (10 months ago, I would have needed Google Translate to write that. I've come a long way!)

Edinburgh, here I come!