over and under

on the top, serene and calm and carrying on like normal. underneath, paddling like mad to stand still and keep up with being normal and getting exhausted. off sick today, felt horrendous. urg.

still dealing with the fallout. still dealing with the silence. still bloody hurts.

still dealing with awful news that arrived like a brick through the window for my bestest pal in the world. tomorrow i get to go be in the right place tho.

going on hol with the parents for a bit next week - good distraction. feel guilty tho, that i should be geographically, physically there for her (them) rather than on texts. but life has to go on even when life is running out. i'll be there when it's most needed - it's just what you do.