A Sticky Subject

He's making an angel fish if you're interested...and no, I don't why. He just started doing it when he came in.

So it's report time again and it's a sticky subject isn't it? Every day I see Facebook status updates: 'Jenny's report was A1'; ' Joshua is a total delight in class,' etc. On the surface these can appear a bit boastful but surely I can't be only parent who hears the silent 'Phew...thank Heavens for that...' tacked on at the end.

As a child I used to feel quite miffed as my mother read our reports, scanning them first quickly then pouring over them in greater detail and finally giving a a slightly surprised and relieved smile. 'What does she expect?' I used to think indignantly, 'She *knows* I'm a good girl.' Then I became a parent and now I know what her expression meant...

The hours between 9am and 3.30pm remain a mystery to most of us. Most teachers are good at their jobs, but not so good at communicating what really goes on in the classroom, unless something has gone disastrously wrong and Johnny has set fire to the toilet block of course.

If your child is like mine then any query about his day is met either with lack of detail, 'Ermmm...I can't remember,' or too much, 'Mary-lou poked me with a pencil and Samuel was sick all over Miss M's shoes.' Occasionally I'll be offered a titbit of information just as he climbs into bed, but that's just a delaying tactic so it doesn't count.

Apart from homework tasks, class assemblies and the Christmas play, it really is difficult to formulate a picture of what your child is like in school...and there is every parent's dilemma. I know that Henry is charming, kind, creative and intelligent. I also know that he's an over-sensitive, sulky little b*gger with an attitude the size of Belgium, so which side of my clearly bipolar child prevails at school?

I also know, because I see a lot of children during my working day, that they are not always the most reliable of witnesses. One little girl with a black eye told me that her father had hit her. Her horrified mother drew a sharp intake of breath and clarified the situation with the words, 'Accidentally, with a plank of wood he was moving and he'd told her to keep out of the way beforehand.'

I too have been the victim of a child with half the facts and an over-active imagination. Henry once told his Reception teacher that I'd been to prison! I did once run an eye clinic once a week in a prison which is not quite the same thing as I'm sure you'll agree. It was pure H to add the detail, 'Because she shot someone!' He also drew so many pictures of us stark naked and anatomically correct that I'm surprised his teacher didn't have social services on speed dial. At the very least I'm sure they thought we were naturists. Parents beware...you have no idea what your children are sayng about you in your absence and what family quirks, real or imagined are being tittered over in the staffroom.

No I'm just happy if I can get through a school year without *that* look from one of the teaching staff.

And H's report? Well it was in teacher-speak but there were a few 'telling' words thrown in.

Basically Henry:

- Has a good relationship with his fellow classmates which can result in too much socialising at times.
- Is bright and keen to learn...mostly.
- Is musically adept.
- Has a tendency for wandering attention.
- Is a 'quirky', 'interesting' member of the class.

Boiled right down then he's nice, talkative, bright, musical, distractable and bonkers. I can live with that. All together now...PHEW!