a shadow of myself

Okay, so here it is ... my first blipfoto entry. In my "old life" none of the items in this shot would have ever sat in the corner of my room unused and gathering dust.

In the forefront sits one of my camera bags which holds various lenses, a film body, and too many filters to count. My beloved, yet abandoned, Nikon DSR sits nearby. Then there is the stack of clothing. No, it's not my dirty laundry, it's not even mine really. Those stacks of shirts were once worn by my 24 year old brother who died suddenly in September 2010.

The thing is, that since his death, I have not found the inspiration to shoot much of anything - or anyone really. I also have not found the motivation to turn those clothes of his into the quilts I promised I was going to make for those closest to him.

After having a mini break down and locking myself in the house for almost two weeks I have a theory. I?m stuck. Brilliant right? Ok, maybe not, but here is the short version of what I think I have figured out.

I think maybe my camera gathers dust because the way I see the world has so drastically changed and the lens only magnifies that fact - the glass may expose the emptiness I feel inside instead of the passion that used to appear in my images. And maybe the quilt does not materialize because it means I would have to rip apart those clothes - the clothing that represents so very little of what I have left of my little brother.

So, after being inspired by an old junior high school friend, I have decided to publicly commit to one photo a day - hoping that it may work as a kind of therapy. Maybe, if I look through a lens often enough and pay close enough attention to what I see...... maybe, gradually - I will start to see the view from here changing a little bit everyday?? I hope so anyway, I really really hope so......