Clean

The Date: Thursday 28th July

The Time: 7am

The Place: The Royal Mile, outside the Fringe Box Office

The Event: The annual street clean ahead of the August Festivals


The City of Edinburgh Council's crack team of very large and highly aggressive seagulls dutifully clear the pavement of food scraps and chunks of vomit in advance of tourists arriving in a few days. The squad will not only clean but also prevent further soiling of the streets by attacking anyone who comes near them. The gows will provide backup to the councils Healthy Living programme by mauling to death anyone who buys chips or pies in the area. Further to this, their only natural predator, the Hunter Square Street Drinkers have been ASBO'd to outwith the festival venues area for the duration.

The question is, do you dare to buy a ticket here? Well DO YOU?