The Meeting Place

Looks like these two buzzy flying things have decided on a nice yellow flower in my garden to have a little tete a tete. How delightful.

It kinda reminded me of this little tune from the Last Shadow Puppets (otherwise known as the side project of Miles from the Rascals and Alex from the Artic Monkeys). Great track, very poignant tune to it. I recommend the album for the more mellow amongst you.

I'm not blipping my thing I spoke about yesterday. I'm not quite there yet.

Okay so today I'm working from home. We have a 600 page H&S policy that hasn't been updated in a while and my job is to scan it in, alter the date and then print it off, thus saving my gaffer £600. I'm doing it at home as my scanner is *ahem* faster than the one in my office. :)

I note the Sparkie Markie is doing something about gripping arses this week (whatever floats ya boat I guess, always been a leg man myself) so I decided to do one of my own. No it isn't flowers with pretend wasps on them. It's people who don't respect that I pay road tax and they don't - ie cyclists, joggers and idiots on horseback.

After the suggestion of intolerance (me, seriously? Intolerant? Not at all.....) I had to clarify that the next few paragraphs are really aimed at those I've encountered in the past for whom I have pulled over and not received the customary acknowledgment for doing so. If they yeild a little then I am happy to do the same. It's those that think 'oh I'm not in a car so he won't drive into me' that grip my arse.

I live down a meandering country lane (that leads onto a sink estate so 'sunk' that they cast it out into the wilderness with the gypsies and the thieves), but that country lane is one and a half cars wide tops. Now my car is slightly lower than the average and with all due respect a fucking lot quicker as well. Therefore I like to position myself in the middle of the road, and treat the corners (the ones with visibility) like Lewis Hamilton. Today I encounter a jogger on the road. He wasn't displaying a tax disk (like I was) but he still insisted on conducting his run on the tarmac I pay for - forcing me to veer (safely) onto the verge. Prick.

Ditto cyclists. If you want to cover yourself in lycra and put a helmet on that makes you look like a Star Wars character then crack on. If you wanna shove your winking choco star in the air and rest your chin on your handles bars then be my guest. If you expect to stay on youre bike whilst I pull over and let you through, well frankly you can fuck off.

Horseriders - pick up your horses mess. If you don't I might buy an elephant and then haul it round to your stables so it can shit on your drive. Then I won't clean it up, and do you know why? Because I'm a bastard.

Oh I see. Someone has just informed me that Markie grips shit and not arses. Wow, that is odd. I mean don't get me wrong we've all seen that video with the dwarves and the lady with low standards of hygiene, but even she didn't play with it.......