Keeping Pace

So pre-season training's started and our manager wants us to start of with a 3 mile run after having done little to no exercise for two months. What a nice gentle start to it all.

Also decided to start using my brother's cross trainer every now and then. He got it for Christmas and I've never used it, despite having it in the flat for a year now. I used to go to the gym 2-3 times a week, which, in conjuction with my football, meant that I was pretty active. I hadn't been that active since I was 18, when I'd be playing football pretty much everyday, whether at college or for my Sunday league team. However, when I went to university I'd let that slip, mostly because I was focusing on my studies and having fun, and soon began to put on weight.

So it was my brother who said about joining a gym a couple of years ago and we did. At first it was hard work, but after the first few sessions it got easier and I started to notice the difference. However, as per usual, I'd skip one session because I didn't feel up to it, or some other poor excuse, and before I knew it I was going only a couple of times a month.

And so with the lack of commitment and the pending venture of moving out from the parents, I quit the gym and haven't been back. I was looking forward to getting back into it after A joined her gym, but it didn't pan out. Though, I had noticed that I'd lost some weight, mostly because I haven't been able to afford poor (hence for known as the poor man's diet), but feel that I'm starting to eat more junk and might put it back on. So I'm going to just the cross trainer for about 20-30 mins a day, a couple of times a day, and maybe even go for a run around Leigh if the weather's nice.

The one thing that I've noticed about myself when I exercise though, is that I kinda shut off. I just seem to become oblivious to what's going on around be, focusing only on my breathing, feeling my heart beat faster in my chest and it feels strangely nice. Like I'm disconnected for everything. I've even managed to go through entire songs on my iPod whilst working out and not remember any of them.

I'm kinda hoping that this will continue as I want to clear my head. I've been thinking about A again more recently. Not that I want to forget her, but I've been thinking about how much I miss her. How much I still love her. It didn't help that I came across a card that she gave me when we'd been together 6 months. It was a simple Thank You card, but not in a "Thank you for looking after my plants" kind of thing. It was a "Thank you for loving me! You've made me the happiest person in the world" card and listed off a list of all the things that she loves/loved about me. Each one made me smile. To think that I could have such an affect on someone's life blew my mind, and that I felt the same way about them. I still do, but we're friends and I don't want to ruin it, though I'd really like to gamble everything to have her beside me again

I'm going to leave it there, because thinking about it is making me feel emotional.

Girl I can?t sleep at night without holding you tight
Girl, each time I try I just break down and cry
Pain in my head oh I?d rather be dead
Spinnin? around and around

Although we?ve come to the end of the road
Still I can?t let you go
It?s unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you
Come to the end of the road
Still I can?t let you go
It?s unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you

BoyzIIMen ~ End of the Road