Mind Over Matter

I have had a phobia of butterflies since I was 4 years old when my dad tried to give me what on reflection was a beautiful and touching gift.

He said he had a surprise for me and I was to hold out my hand. In my small palm he placed what I took as a piece of black leather. It filled my hand and I was puzzled as to why he'd thought this a special present. When it opened the shock struck me to the core and instantly morphed into a terror I carried for 30 years.

My phobia was such that I was partially house bound in the summer months during childhood. I have a very clear memory of one unhappy birthday when my mother insisted I come and eat my birthday tea outside. I screamed the whole time with constant dashes through the backdoor.

A trapped butterfly indoors was the worst. The sound of the wings frantically hitting the window glass was chilling. The original demon and root of all my ills was a Red Admiral or similar red, orange and black combo. These were by far the worst of all the species. They tend to 'swoop' and not flutter which along with the colouring are the paramount, terrifying characteristic.

I have had several attempts to overcome this fear, and finally found hypnotherapy the closest to a cure I can achieve. I am not free of my terrors, but it is manageable and controlled. Since becoming a mother almost 3 years ago, I have been desperate not to pass my irrationality onto my daughter. I instead over enthuse about them to her and make up magical fairy like stories around them.

This beauty landed in my garden this morning. I got close enough to take the snap and wasn't eaten by the beast in the pricess, nor did I pass out. It is actually quite pretty, and while I have no intention to sit down and enjoy its company close up, it is welcome to enjoy my flowers.