A Diary Entry

This is the first time in a long time I've had to pre-write a blip before posting it...I warn you - this is gonna be a long one.

Allow me to let you into a little secret. I'm twenty years old and have been keeping a diary since I was thirteen years old. No one knows that.

So what you're about to read is actually a diary entry. Something I felt like I had to read after a particularly hard evening. The photo is something I do a lot to accompany my rants. I like to prove that my English Language A Level wasn't a total waste of time so I spout as many alternative words as I possibly can. Today, it's split into 'angry' and 'sad' with a little bit of 'hurt' in there too, for good measure.

I forget how the synonyms beginning with 'l' are beautiful and interesting words to spell and say like 'lugubrious', 'lachrymose' and 'lamentable'.
Does that make me weird that I think that?

Anyway.
Why the angst?
I didn't really ever divulge too much as to why my engagement fell apart. In fact, I rarely mention him at all.
This is for two reasons.
1) It's something I didn't want to talk about
2) He's got Blip himself and frequently blipped about me. It used to upset me reading what he wrote so I didn't want to do it to him. That, and I didn't want to justify his blatant attention seeking (Sorry, little dig).

The part of the break up that affected me the most was how our mutual friends reacted. When we got together, our friends quickly merged and many became good friends. For me, a rite of passage for new or potential boyfriends was to meet K and get her approval. Without her approval, there was no point in continuing on. Thankfully, J passed with flying colours and they became fast friends. In a similar way, I became good friends with S.

This was all going very well until we broke up. It was always going to be messy. It just felt like it was natural that I would lose S and J would lose K. So, with that in mind, I broke off a friendship with S. I messaged K and asked to go to the pub. I needed to talk to my best friend about what was going on in my life. She refused because she couldn't be apart from her boyfriend who was at uni at the time.
Typical her - she gets a new boyfriend and disappears off everyone's radar. I usually glossed over it - waiting for it to fall apart it like it inevitably always did and I'd pick up the pieces, no matter if it was her that was in the wrong.
Cos that's what a good friend does.
I call on her to do the same thing and she disappears.

That was almost two years ago. There was no arguments or a specific falling out. I just couldn't talk to someone who would drop me the minute I needed her.

That's when I found out, through Blip, that her and my ex had been hanging out.

It hurts that she crawls out from Boyfriend Slumberland and straight to hanging out with my ex.

A year ago, these were the two people I loved more than anything in the world and it made it even better that they got on so well.
Now these are the two people who are tearing me apart. The two people who I thought would never hurt me.

Shows how wrong I was.

I don't know why I'm publicising this. I feel better for writing it all though. Thank you to everyone, if anyone, who read this the whole way through.

A special thank you to S whose really been there for me. I have two words for you, my friend - Rocket Lolly ;)

God, that feels better. Thank you to my Blip family.

It's been a rough day.
It's now 2:24AM and I'm wide awake. Good thing I have a short day at work tomorrow. 11-4. SCORE!

A xx

PS. I also blipped yesterday..I know some of you won't see it cos this is my most recent, but check it out. I'm actually pretty proud of the photo.