Who caught me?

Down to you
You're pushing and pulling me down to you
But I dont know what I
Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself
From saying something that I should have never thought
Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself
From saying something that I should have never thought of you, of you

You're pushing and pulling me down to you
But I don't know what I want
No I don't know what I want

You got it, you got it
Some kind of magic
Hypnotic, hypnotic
You're leaving me breathless
I hate this, I hate this
You're not the one I believe in
With God as my witness

Wow, I cannot believe the rollercoaster of emotions I've been through these last few weeks. And in knowing that it is the end, I still hold on to that hope- that hope it is not the end, even though I know it is. I'm ever so dreading tomorrow. I can guarantee you that I will cry at some point during the day.
I found another quote on tumblr. It describes exactly how I felt/ feel-
"That feeling when someone makes you feel special, then suddenly leaves you hanging, and you have to act like you don't care at all"
I guess I'm good at that whole facade thing. Comes with years of practice. You wouldn't guess that I 'm only 18. With everything I've had to deal with. It's kind of a good thing, I'm "wise beyond my years" apparently. That didn't stop me from getting hurt....

Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself
From Saying something that I should have never thought
Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself
From saying something that I should have never thought of you, of you

You're pushing and pulling me down to you
But I don't know what I want
No I don't know what I want

Don't know what I want
But I know it's not you
Keep pushing and pulling me down
But I know in my heart it's not you


Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself
From saying something that I should have never thought
Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself
From saying something that I should have never thought
I knew, I know in my heart it's not you
I knew, But now I know what I want, I want, I want
Oh no, I should have never thought

-Paramore