river boat pikey

Got up early and went to pick up the houseboat called Ruby (which also happens to be the name of my youngest daughter) if anyone reading this doesn?t already know.

Anyways, we had to park our car in a little fenced off compound while we were on the boat which was off this main carpark with some public toilets located in it.

I popped into the gents for a number 2 and after carefully checking there was nothing that was going to bite anything delicate I sat down. I have to say that this is probably a first for me as normally going to an outside public lavvy involves hovering in a precarious fashion while you drop the bomb. However, what made me sit is that it appeared to be quite honesty the cleanest public lavvy this side of the known universe.

It even had a small bottle of Palmolive hand wash, which would have been stolen back home. I was very curious to why it was so clean until looking around at the very neat graffiti on the toilet door I noticed ?Phone Bruce after 5pm?. I can but assume that Bruce is perhaps the only gay in the village and he likes to keep his patch clean.

Curious by this and since no one else was in the car park, I decided to stick my head around the door of the ladies ( I can assure you there was nobody in). The toilet seat was hanging off, there was no palm olive, the lightbulb was long gone and the place stank like a bag of prawns in the sun.

I can therefore draw the conclusion that either the gay ladies of pinjara aren?t as proud of their public convenience as Bruce is or he has swapped the blokes for the shielas sign from above the doors.

At this particular moment a Ute drew up and out got a middle age bloke, Im curious as to whether he is Bruce, but by the looks of the seats in the cab of his vehicle I would suggest not, as no self respecting gay bloke would leave his soft furnishings in such an uncleanly and dirty fashion.

Anyways, I digress. We pick up the houseboat and sail upriver. I am officially a river pikey as the houseboat can be best described as a floating pontoon with a static caravan welded to the top. Our holidays suddenly gone all a bit adventures of huckleberry finn all of a sudden.

We have to be moored up by sun down, so we head up river as far as we can and moor at the Redcliffe pub which is shut to my disappointment as Im starving.

So we have to walk the 5km to the nearest town to get something to eat along the highway. I am now even more concerned by the crosses on the side of the road as I no longer have 2 airbags to cushion any road traffic impact. Dad does not count as an airbag althought I could make a cheap joke about carrying the spare tire round his middle, but I will restrain myself.

After we have been fed we return to the boat. Story to be continued tomorrow????