we have pidgeons, they have parrots

This is my thirteenth update (unlucky for some) and I suppose I have had a little bit of a wasted day, you could say that your on holiday and therefore any relaxing day isn?t wasted, but I don?t really feel that I have done anything today that has inspired me.

I awake with the same panda face and foostie thumb as yesterday, despite using a gallon on Dettol antifoostic cream on it.

We decide that today we are going to head North, above perth to go to whiteman park. The brochure for whiteman park looks amazing and it says that it has the following stuff all in one big country park. Motor Museum, nature reserve with hands on the furry stuff, working trams, vintage bus to take you around the village, steam trains, swimming ponds, falconry and a whole manner of other stuff.

So we are thinking that between all these things that it might be a fairly decent day out, so we mosey on up the motorway. Captain Cooke is navigating and he has brought a map chart to find the way. I am using the sat nav and Im driving.

We are having a right laugh on the motorway and I will try to describe it although it probably wont seem funny on paper, well on screen, but that doesn?t seem the right phrase to use. We have noticed that there is a considerable amount of Utes on the road, a Ute is an Aussie sort of flat bed small truck, not like a pick up or Mitsubishi warrior or anything but more like a ford sierra at the front with a loading deck at the back.

Everybody has got one and we were thinking that some old bloke somewhere probably has a Ute museum.

We are role playing how this might go if you visited this Ute museum, dad is the tourist and im being the curator. It probably works best if you try to speak like an aussie

A: Gday mate, how you going, welcome to the Ute museum
D: What do you have here ?
A: We have the White Mk1 Ute, the White Mk2 Ute, the White Mke 4 Ute
D: What happened the Mk3 Ute ?
A: That came after the Mk4 Ute, seems Walt goes hes colours mixed up
D: Whats the difference between the Mk3 and the Mk4 Ute
A: That ones Rusty

And so it goes on, when we get bored of this we play Ute spotting and have wagered on how many Utes we will see until our destination, then we stoop to new lows of long distance travelling and start singing the white Ute song in our best Aussie accents, which goes something like this

10 white Utes traveling along the road
10 white Utes traveling along the road
When one white Ute should hit a kangaroo
They?ll be 9 white utes travelling along the road
9 White Utes travelling along the road

We have kangaroos, emus, dingos, koalas, police men, etc etc etc until there is No white UTE?s travelling along the road and we get to where we want to be.

We get there and it was a right disappointment, the motor museum was mince despite having a back to the future delorian, the mad max black car, the humber hornet out of the movie cars and the awe inspiring Sinclair c5.

However, I am looking in the cabinet at the counter and see pin badges for sale, the man behind the counter is very very fat, he would have had to have rolled over 6 times to get a sun tan. He is wheezing like an accordion as he has just walked the eight feet to get his pie out of the microwave. So I shout dad over and go that Michelin man badge is cool for you. He goes, why are you saying im fat or something. Comedy timing dad, comedy timing.

We move swiftly on, the nature touchy koala thing is shut, as is the gift shop, and the other shops, and the vintage trains and bus isn?t running, the falconry guy has gone home and its not warm enough for a swim as its now bouncing down with rain drops bigger than a hurricane in new york.

That leaves a parrot eating a vegemite sandwich and the tram as our only hope of saviour.

Trams are by definition not very exciting, our own tram project in Edinburgh is living proof that nobody really cares about them that much. However, we meet Reg, who is the tram driver and he is like santa claus except without the red suit and he is a nice bloke and he shows us both how to drive the tram and also gets it going flat out and this trams rocking from side to side like its going to come off the rails. There is two Japanese passengers sitting up the back literally hanging on for dear life as they get bounced from one side to the other. Reg seems unconcerned by this and states simply, don?t worry I will stop and let them off soon. He has to then change the trams direction so has to change the points connected to the electric cable above the tram, he deliberately sees if he can make this spark just because he can. Reg was cool.

We travel back down the road and stop for some lunch at which time I try to phone home. I try four times at approx. 8.00am home time and nobody is answering. I try later only to discover that we have a leak at home and my living room and kitchen are an aquarium and half my oak floor has been ripped up to find the still untraceable water source. Ironic really considering yesterdays mining for water update, well done kids you?ve struck gold.

We split up and spend the rest of the day kicking around, Dad goes and speaks to a bus driver or something and I see if I can find my girls a present to go home with, but cant really find anything that I want. We have a pint and head home for dinner, fairly uneventful day really.

Todays picture has therefore got to be the vegemite eating pidgeon