Struth Bruce, that blokes got no strides on

Although we had actually planned to spend today and tomorrow doing our own thing, we now have no other choice as we aren?t speaking. First thing this morning, he asks me if I want to draw a line under it, eh no I don?t actually because I think your due me an apology.

We have a particularly large row, akin to when I stayed at home, some pushing and shoving and quite a lot of swearing(mostly on his part) ensue.

Needless to say, I don?t get my apology so we go our separate ways.

On a brighter note my panda tan has faded back to roughly my native white colour and my foostie thumb is a lot better since I stuck the safety pin in it and then doused it with antifoost cream.

I decide to head up the main motorway and see where the day takes me on the spur of the moment. However I can confirm that singing the Ute song on your jack jones doesn?t have the same comedy appeal and gets you some funny looks on the motorway.

I stop at a beach and decide to take a walk. It is deserted as far as the eye can see in both directions. I take off my shoes and stroll along in the surf for maybe a mile or two and it is totally deserted until I come across a naked man fishing. I kid you not, in the middle of their winter which they think is cold (its not its scorchio) there is a man, naked, fishing. This puts a new meaning to fishing tackle. He says good morning and I ask him if he has any luck with the fishing.

On hindsight, a better question would be why dont you have any clothes on whilst fishing but this didn?t cross my mind at the time. I mean fishing involves sharp hooks and scissors and knots and bait and then if you do catch anything it might have jaggy bits or spines or big teeth. I cant think of a worst sport to do naked, well apart from perhaps rugby on astro turf or maybe bobsleighing. Its just my luck really, why couldn?t it have been the womens beach volley ball team.

I must catch a bit of the sun again today as the panda has returned for revenge, my neck and arms are a bit burnt, it wasn?t that hot at the beach but I must have not have noticed it with the sea breeze. I hope the poor boy in the buff had more sun protection.

I get back to car and check my camera in case I imagined it and sure enough there he is, its not a great picture but its not like I could ask him to smile and say cheese and I have had to catch the shot mission impossible style while he is casting into the surf.

Quick lunch and I go up the motorway and head for the Lone Ranger Shooting complex, where I learn to shoot a .22 caliber revolver wild west style and a H&K 9mm tomb raider special.

It?s a bit of a strange thing to do on holiday I suppose go to the gun range but blowing holes in paper targets is very stress relieving and Its something else I can say that I have tried. The safety briefing and what to do lesson was basic to say the least and I am left to load, aim, fire, reload all by myself in the little booth. He seems to have assumed that as I am Scottish that we all have small weapons training at an early age. He asks me if Im from Glasgow.

The tomb raider automatic was a whole load of fun, it shoots flames out the sides and the used cartridge summersaults off to the side. The safety briefing for this one is simply hold it with two hands, don?t put your thumb at the back or youll lose it, don?t put your hand on the top side or youll burn it and this is where the bangers go.

I can confirm that I can shoot better than most of the bad guys you see in the movies, but not well enough to be the next Scottish Bond. I get to keep the targets.

Stopped at the shops on the way home for some essentials and then get myself out for dinner, and in best dell boy accent, table for uno please porfa vorrae, merci bouquet mon sher

Tried to phone home but no¬body is answering, im sad and I want to go home and cuddle my children.

Plus, I have just received an email to advise that the upcoming dolphin trip has just been cancelled for expected bad weather coming in, magic. Im thinking what bad weather and then suddenly the sky erupts in the most torrential rain imaginable is literally banging against my balcony doors.

Retire for the evening, still not on speaking terms.