A visit

The summer after my Papa passed away I took a trip to England. It was the first time I had ever taken a trip all by myself and found it rather ... ehm ... daunting at first. It was extra daunting because I was battling a depression at the time, in therapy and on medication, and about as indecisive as a very indecisive thing.
On the plane I tried to keep my fear of flying and general feel of panic at bay by imagining my father walking down the aisle towards me. Not that my dad would have ever set foot on a plane, but I threw that knowledge aside and just felt calm in his presence.
That calm feeling stayed with me throughout the vacation. I made it stay by having my dad with me at all times. It helped that I was wearing his coat :) One day I was staying with a friend in Nortumberland (hi, Maz!) and I went to Durham for the day. I walked around the Crook Hall gardens, admiring the views, and feeling pretty good. Which was a big thing, at that point, feeling 'pretty good'.

And then, out of nowhere, a butterfly landed on my hand. And, as odd as it sounds, I felt validated.


Somehow I was reminded today of that when I stopped at the Hatchery for a bit and this Monarch was playing with me. I'm sure of it. It would sit down, I would approach, it would fly up, circle around me, and sit back down. Repeat. And again. It wasn't until I had said out loud that I was done, after about 30 minutes of this lark, that it flew up again, over my head and sat itself down on the milkweed. Maybe about 2 feet away. I had to back away to get it in focus. And it just sat here and looked at me.

I'm feeling a bit special again :)