Colorsplash

I love flowers. Especially sunflowers and daisies. They don't smell very good, but display such cheefulness and color. Just what I need more of in my dreary, dramatic, life. I do despise chaos and drama. Some people thrive on it. I don't, yet it surrounds me like a suffocating cloud of darkness. So much sometimems I feel like I can't breath. No job to escape to. Although I search everyday. Possibly no school this term, to pursue what now believe is my calling in life, ( taching children) due to a wrong school code for my financial aid. A. Few numbers keeping me from my dreams this term. Oh I know I can go next term, but the delay and wondering about the loans I already need to pay back with the elusive job, along w/nothing positive is just about all I can stand. I can't write in a journal about my dreams, angers, frustrations, and prayers. As I found out one of my husbands kids( she's a grown, married, mither with a child found it in my personal drawer and told some family members what I wrote. She did this in a fit of explosive anger and for spite, not care. This is just one of the many unfortunate events which have occured ovrr the course of the past few years of my married life. What did I do to have to live this kind of life I just don't understand. Into every life a little rain must fall... a relentless storm for mine, a silver lining in with my dark cloud? Mine is tarnished....sigh...hmmm, what else negative could I write about this morning?? Well I figure this is the only place I can dump my feelings and no one can make me stop. Except of course the moderator if I wrote somethng for them to do so, which I don't think I have. Will tomorrow be a better day? I hope so!