Survival Tools

I have issues with being heard. I always have, as far back as I can recall. I was a shy, quiet child until I decided to try something different in high school. But in my house, while growing up, children were often reminded to be seen and not heard. To add insult to injury my dad was always hard of hearing. Out of frustration he would frequently tell me to stop mumbling. I wasn't. In my house, growing up, there were constant misunderstandings. I don't believe my folks were very good communicators or listeners and what ensued was a lot of arguing and a lot of misconstrued attempts at conversations. There were also a lot of secrets.

As an adult it has become one of my passions in life to tell the truth, honestly and openly. My poor children were raised with straight facts. If they asked, I told them. The truth. I listened to them - I hope I still do. I consider myself a realist who appreciates learning new things. Open-minded? I hope so.

My dad is old. He is frail, ashen, and sadly not very competent any more. He pretends that he is though, which only makes it harder for me. I help him a lot. And he thanks me. But it makes him miserable to need help. I'm trying very hard to give him dignity in these days. There is this line that I keep crossing though, into his troubled existence. I can't seem to help it. He is, after all, my responsibility. And it's a big BIG responsibility. And in it all he pretends like everything is just as it was 20 years ago. But it's not. One thing hasn't changed (although has worsened greatly) - his hearing.

Yes, I could choose to constantly ask him to wear his wireless headphones, rather than turning up the volume on the TV to the point that it hurts my ears, no matter where I am in the house. And I do, sometimes. It's extremely frustrating not to have a quiet place to go to get away from the noise. So, as I sit wearing earplugs in my own home to spare myself my own horrible hearing loss, I discover 9 times out of 10 he's asleep in front of that blaring TV anyway. Dignity. I am such a novice at it. I really don't have a clue what I'm doing.

Note: Image = terribly out of focus earplugs