Music Box

Some jokes I've recently heard and laughed at.

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My wife said she's leaving me because I'm 'too close to my family'.
I nearly choked on my Gran's minge.
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The urge to sing 'the lion sleeps tonight' is only a whim away.
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Anybody got any sodium jokes?

Na.
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My wee budgie broke it's legs. so i made it splints out of matches.
It's wee face lit up when it tried to walk.
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Ever wondered why Sean Connery never asks women to sit on his face?
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Q) How does Batman's mother call him in for tea?

A) She doesn't. She was murdered.