Moving on

Honestly, I give up. I don't want to go through the same horrible desolated feeling of going numb all over and going to my knees because I can't feel anything anymore every time I think about Wednesday night.

I ran away from my home, left everything, to find a new beginning....clearly....I never got past my issues nor did my depression really went away.

I tried so hard, so...so hard to be there for her, I gave her my everything, asked for nothing, happy with anything, in the end i thought there was something I could've done better

Honestly, she could have redeemed herself.... on both Monday and Wednesday, but she chose to throw away everything I've worked for and disappointed not only me but her friends, best friends, and family.

I'm really sorry mom and dad, I wish I could have been a better son and became the doctor you always wanted me to be

I'm really sorry, to my brothers kerwin and andrew...I should have forgave you, it was never your fault we were compared

I'm really sorry, to her family, for not being able to do anything more for your daughter....I failed, when I swore to you i would deliver your daughter in once piece.

I'm sorry to my friends, both present and past, i neglected you for her and I wish i could have been a better friend.

and lastly

I'm sorry, Emmy.....I couldn't save you

and I'm sorry, Oliver, my eldest brother....you should have never died and I should never have been born, your life was taken from you by a curable protozoan infestation but the doctors were incompetent and our family was still poor ...yet, here I am about to take my own life...