Daisy detail

Ugghh! I've got my first cold of the year :( it's been threatening to erupt for a few days now and finally, yesterday, my defences quit and it rolled on in.

Went to bed with a sore-ish throat, runny nose, sneezes and general bunged up feeling - and got up today with same symptoms times three :( Still, it is, as I said, my first sickness of the year so maybe it's not so bad.

Didn't feel up to much during the day but by mid-late afternoon decided that some fresh air and a potter in the garden might help.

What has also helped, I think, is identifying an old 'friend' for what he is - a Judas.

The 'friend' I'm talking about is Self Doubt, someone who I have allowed to live with me, guide me and dictate too many terms for me over the past few years. Today, in an instant, I recognised that it was he who had misled me on Tuesday when I 'missed' a turn off the motorway which ultimately resulted in me missing my plane home and having to book another at twice the original cost. Self Doubt. I saw the sign but listened to his voice tell me it wasn't the right one. . . .

So today, I have drawn swords with him and taken steps to remove him from my life . . . . . . . .

I contacted a magazine about maybe using some of my images. It's a small-ish, locally produced magazine and my [good] friend C had suggested this approach to me a while back. It came up again when I was visiting on Monday. I'd liked the idea, but the other [Judas] friend, Self Doubt, had questioned my worth, questioned my ability, questioned my intention. If you listen long enough to some people you actually begin to believe them, so it was no surprise to me that I was talked out of the idea and ol' SD sat back smugly and let me carry on with the same old, same old. . . . .

But today, there's been a shift. Self Doubt has been exposed for the bully he is - and I want him out of my life.

By this evening I'd received a reply from the magazine editor who was quite interested in talking some more so I shall contact her again tomorrow and hopefully we'll be able to arrange a coffee meeting soon. . . .

And the interesting thing is I find I'm not connected to the outcome - que sera. If it happens, great, but if it doesn't . . . . . well, I've gained an awful lot from recognising the Judas friend I'd had and taking the first steps to oust him from my life.

Today was a good day - cold or no cold - a good day indeed.