HANDCARTED

Jackspeak - A guide to Royal Navy and Royal Marines Slanguage.

HANDCARTED

Today is Trafalgar day. Us 1 - Kermits 0

In celebration of this auspicious occasion Matelots and Bootnecks often over indulge in falling down juice. Officer types will often host what are known as "Cock and Arse" parties in the Wardroom or if it's a Hoooog ship, in the hangar, with a Royal Marine band to provide entertainment as they 'beat retreat'. For some reason totty of all ages is drawn to this sort of occasion like flies to the proverbial. :-)

Warships which have a Royal Marine detachment onboard usually have the Gangway or Prow guarded by a Bootneck in full blues, white gear and rifle; thereby impressing visiting dignitaries. There is usually another gangway for the lower forms of life to utilise.

In this image you can see the Gangway sentry, observed by the officer of the day, being taunted by an inebriated member of the lower deck. The chap in full regalia is, or at least appears to be, a sitting duck for such behaviour. What the dullard hurling invective never ever sees is the pair of Bootnecks lurking in the shadows, waiting for just such an idiot to return to his Gray Funnel Line hotel.

The first thing the malcontent knows of the situation is when he is suddenly shown what life is like if he had grown a further foot in height. It is at this point that the familiar refrain of "Bootneck, Bootneck can't catch me....." is rapidly followed by a very demure, "Cor, ain't you fast Royal."

The next morning is usually one of contrition for the matelot. He wonders why he has once again been beaten up by a gorilla, his clothes shredded, his ID card ripped up and to top it all why on earth did the Gorilla's pet parrot have to crap in his mouth, or at least that's what it tastes like.