Sunday trains

Dear Heart,
On the train back to Cardiff today I tried to understand the knot of trembling feelings bundled up inside me. Was it happiness or sadness? Elation or fear? I don't think it was any one thing, really.
It was, I suppose, the quiet knowledge that life will, for better or worse, always be this way. You cannot live your life in fits and starts of happiness. You cannot "do" life by halves.
I do not, however, believe that living each day to the full means skydiving and taking off at a moment's notice. Living fully, completing each task God gives you to the best of your ability and with as much bravery as you have within you - that is the secret. That is gold dust. Make every day count; we have so few, and they slip through our fingers like sand.
Sooner or later you will be separated from the people you love - whether momentarily or forever. You will, though, always have yourself. And, as I am slowly discovering, that isn't such a bad deal after all!
Love, Lydia x
P.S. I am back to stay now, so I'll write again tomorrow.