Now is what matters....

A letter to a loved one who is lost...

There are so many things we can't change, the passing of time being one of the main ones, there are many very difficult things to deal with, bringing up children being one them, all any Parent can do is their best and sometimes that won't be good enough through no deliberate fault of their own, separations, money troubles, illness, more children, divorce all leave a mark and are hard to cope with for everybody.
It's all too easy to look back and wish things had been different and to want someone to blame for the painful times in the hope that it will help, but it won't, sooner or later we look around and we have become adults, this can be really terrifying, at this point the choice is to be a powerless victim blaming your Parents and circumstances for the bad situation you find yourself in or to take control, try to understand why things happened the way they did, accept that any hurt you suffered was not intentional, take responsibility for your actions and make your own life, you have to realise that your Parents and carers are not magical beings with all the answers but people just like you who used to be children with their own puzzles and confusions to work out and who have done their best to help you to grow and be happy.
One thing is for sure, life is short and seems to speed up as the years pass so it's best not to waste your time wallowing in old emotions and the memories of events long gone and to try and enjoy and make the most of what you have now, remember that whatever you focus on is magnified so be conscious of where you choose to look.
A good friend once said to me 'bitterness feeds on the host' I've never forgotten that.
There are millions of people in the world, choose your friends wisely, if you mix with positive happy and successful people it will rub off on you and if you mix with the opposite the effect will be reversed.
If you are truly as unhappy as you seem I would strongly urge you to look at the company you're keeping and the counsel you seek, look at their lives and ask yourself whether that is really what you want for yourself?
Our door will always be open


Top left with my brother Tom aged about 11
Top right aged 13/14
middle left and right about 10
bottom left 15/16
bottom right 18/19

Watercolours
From the album Between The Lines by Janis Ian, one of my most treasured albums, I listened to it constantly as a teenager aged 13-16 and it's one of the reasons I love to sing so much and decided to become a singer. Janis had a very difficult upbringing, she was repeatedly abused by her Dentist as a child, her Parents separated, she left home very young, she married a psycho but she has come out on top and written some incredible songs along the way.