I taught i saw a puddy cat

Got up this morning with boulders in my eyes, they are all bloodshot, watery and lumpy which is a bit of a problem

Connie is going shopping with the girls and I have the day to myself, I've been wide awake since 6am this morning and have been surfing the net, re-advertising the golf gti for sale and doing finances and stuff.

Now, as all subaru drivers will know the number 555 is synonomous with impreza's as it was for a long period of time their sponsor and emblazoned the side of the legend that is Mcrae's world rally car. Hence the reason that many impreza's have 555 on various silly stickers, number plates, special edition cars etc etc etc.

However, the reason that I mention this is an interesting co-incidence happened this morning. While working out how much money I would have left from the settlement of the impreza write off to buying the new Lexus IS200 it was exactly and to the penny £555 pounds.

Thanks Mcrae, I knew you were watching out for me when I was four wheel drifting into that barrier, I just wont be buying any helicopters, cheers mate.

I phone john who is currently building flat pack furniture for a living and put on a broad aberdonian accent. Conversation as follows:

Me: Helloe, isthat flat puck solutions fit like

Him: Yes, how can i help

Me: Aye weel, i need to you to come and build a wardrobe an that.

Him: Ok, how bigs the wardrobe is it and where about do you stay ?

Me: Aye, its a right big yin so it is, im in tranent

Him: Whats your name and address

Me: Its big Davey, fae tranent I telt yee

Him: Im really busy today, how soon would you need them to be built ?

Me: Right away, its an emergency, Av goat the the fronts roond the back and im huddin the sides on wi ma fit, youll huv to come right away.

Him: So, what your telling me is....

And so it goes on:

Mind you, he knew it was me, not like the time that we phoned Big Joe and convinced him he had bird flu.

I ask him what point he twigged and he replies that as I woke him up, caught him unawares until he realised that he was talking to hector brocklebank from HP Fash. Now, if you dont know who this is, its from the real radio wind ups and you should youtube this immediately, do not pass go, until youve done this.

Having declined an offer to swap the golf gti for a computer, I go out and enjoy a glorious sunny day with the dogs.

On the way home, while speaking to auld drew, a young lad parks his car outside the shop, he mounts the kerb at a precarious angle, drives along it for 10 yards, then reverses back to be in front of the shop. While reversing back, he has somehow perfectly balanced both his front and back wheel exactly half off the kerbstone. He couldnt do that again if he tried and gets out the car.

I was like, you could be on a stunt team with driving like that mate, he had no idea what I was on about. Congratulations, you win the muppet of the day award.

Later in the day, I sell the golf to some weedgies and I explained to them the starting problem and recommended they didnt drive it all that way home. They paid the full asking price and disregarded my warning. I asked the guy to email me when he got home, however he hasnt done this so I have to assume they are still walking down the motorway and have probably made it to about harthill by now. Dont worry lads the rear heated window works to keep your hands warm and not far to push now. Congratulations chaps, you win the weedgies of the day award.

John pops around, and while sitting in his car, a flying firework stick hits his roof. OOh, that was lucky considering the firework journal from the day before.

My day concludes with seeing an amazing shooting star while walking the dogs and falling out with certain un-named parties, hence triggering the removal of a large swathe of material from the previous two journals, dont worry readers this will be appear uncensored in my published memoirs.Well done son, youve won the censorship award for the week.