Beautiful Ruby

I have dedicated this to my son's extraordinary girlfriend who is as incandescent as this glorious maple. In the past 12 months she has made an amazing journey, the kind few of us have the courage to make. She has faced down demons, learned that the shame and grief she has carried since she was 12 years old did not belong to her, found freedom from the destructive fears and anger that she had locked away and discovered a strength and a willingness to stand up for herself and onto what she holds true.

I'm proud of my son for encouraging her to find a counsellor and start talking and very proud to know her. I hope the family she loves so much will remember that in such cases (and they happen in the best of families) the questions, 'why did you not protect me?', 'why did you not find out what was happening?', 'why did you leave me alone with it'? are a natural part of healing - and wholly inevitable when an adult must come to terms with their own childhood shame over another's wrongs.

We all do our best as parents; and we all, often, fail. Maturity brings us the inexorable pain of recognizing and feeling the consequences of those failures but also, hopefully, the strength to say 'I am sorry'. And what is that pain and discomfort compared to the fact that a child is finding freedom from the threat of lifelong shame and depression?

Because it hurts us as parents, does not make the process negative and awful, though it is easy to equate our own acute discomfort with what is bad. We have to remember that what hurts us may be what our children need while the comfort and tranquillity of mind that we want to hang on to for ourselves, may sometimes demand too high a price from our children. The fire that burns also purifies, warms, sustains and lights.

May all those who love this amazing young woman, celebrate her journey out of the shadows and cold and misery of the past, no matter what that journey brings to light. It takes a rare courage to do what she has done. Bravo, beautiful Ruby.