Shiny and New

He claims to be my 'Friend',
He clung to me most of the day, helping here, shining there.
Yet when I put the kettle on he just sat there - 'milk two sugars'.

He shone lights into corners which were creeping to the dark side.
He glowered and stared hard at the bully boys with their black cross gang markings. He claims to be soft and gentle, in touch with his feminine side.
Yet when I put the kettle on he just sat there - 'got any biscuits missus?'

He followed me upstairs,
He watched me pull on rubber
He shimmied and shook around the room and dusted the cares away
Yet when I asked for a drink he just sat there - not a peep!

Really what kind of Bar Keeper's Friend is he?

Indulge me I've been cleaning rather a lot today.