what a loving partner i am

inside this ambulance is mr skaterg1rl on his way to hospital with a suspected cracked rib or two

and here am i taking a photo of the ambulance, always mindful of blippage opportunities

but you have been spared the grimness of casualty, the bombed out bloke wandering the corridors, the woman in the cubicle next door with her strange tingling sensations and the sight of all the layers of sweaty undergarments that i had to remove from mr skg's body to make space for the painkiller jag in the backside.

if you need to diagnose a broken rib, here's what you need to look for:-

do the guy's lungs sound ok? yes. good, no collapsed lung

is he peeing blood? no. good, no damaged kidney

and something else i cant remember

if all this is ok, you get to go home with painkillers and get on with the healing process, wondering why you agreed to go in goal for the other team and then got landed on by one of your own players...