night of the living dead

Connie was up early this morning as Ruby wasnt feeling well during the night.

However, I slept in for my work, its sods law but one of the few times that I can ever remember that Connie is up before I go to work she makes me a cup of tea and im not with it enough to drink it and by the time that I am with it enough, im runnning out the door. Bed, teeth, shower, clothes, shoes, wallet, phone, car keys, car, twelve minutes.

As a direct result of this I also cannot find my glasses which turn up later in Holly's welly boot. Im not saying that she put them there but I had considered that perhaps she was going to geocache them somewhere.

An otherwise uneventful day apart from winning a £5 bonus bond at work as a prize, I will be sure not to spend it all at once.

Off to the gym after work but as Im late out, I have decided that its going to be a short sharp half an hour blast and them home.

So, im quickly going around the machines that I want to use today and feeling suitably knackered I head for the changing room. Now, the mens communial locker room is a funny place and you have several different kinds of people in there apart from the general population of normal people.

Firstly, you have the shy guys, the ones that dont and wont take off their undergarments until they are firmly in the individual (but communial area) showers.

Secondly, there are the exhibitionists, the ones that just dont care about who sees them naked and are the ones that stroll through the locker room singing swing low sweet chariot with their towels around there necks.

Then of course there is the ones that like to pose in front of the shared mirror right in the middle of the changing rooms, flexing there different pumped muscles, preening there gell coifed hair, giving it "bodys a temple, work out regular".


At the back of the locker room you walk up a few steps to the shower area and then you have to step up another foot or so and into a shower cubicle. It usually easy to tell which ones are occupied as you can normally see the silohette or there is a towel hanging over the top of the door. The water running also gives it away but its on a timer and stops ever minute or so and you have to press the button.

Now imagine this scenario.

Im knackered, I dont have my glasses on, there is no towel hanging over the shower door, and the water isnt running. I grab a hold of the handle and being of average smallness yank open the shower door only to find that its already occupied by "bodys a temple guy".

The water isnt running as he has obviously just applied shampoo and his entire face is covered in soap which luckily also means he cant see. Him being of average tallness and me being of average smallness I am all of a sudden eye to eye with the man garden. bonsai tree, mostly shrubbery. I am horrified, and almost let out a aaaaagggghhghghghghghgh, but for that split second I have got such a fright there is a exceptionally large buff man in there with a quite honestly the smallest boaby that I have ever seen (even on embarrasing bodies). You can picture the horror on my face and my hands waving frantically in front of me like a bad minstrel act thats just been electocuted, I leave the door wide open and dive into the next free cubicle.

The guy must of by this time, pressed the shower button on, washed off the soap off his face to find his shower door wide open.

Luckily we use pure gym and its open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, so you might want to dedicate a little time to hanging 5 kgs off that mate.

I get home to discover that my entire family are night of the living dead, Ruby is ill, Holly is ill, Abbie has been at a planned hospital apppointment today for her ongoing back issues. My sofa has been stolen by a large man in a large van as my new suite is coming tomorrow.

About sums it up.

Mood rating 7 out of 10