Up Around the Bend

I'm beginning to get claustrophobic. I've been stuck on a boat with this character, the former research scientist from Cheltenham now living in Edinburgh, for the best part of a year. OK, it's only a book, but it's beginning to get a bit real. The smallest things are getting to me. I have never met anyone before with such a lack of emotional intelligence. It's just a book; I can stop reading. But he's doing my nut in! I bet he has a beard. Neatly bloody trimmed probably. We couldn't go to Lyon because of crime. We missed Naples too and every fisherman in Scicily was probably mafioso. He even phoned the police about a launch seen at night alongside a boat - drug smugglers!!
We met Rab and Margaret who originally came from Glasgow.... and they came aboard for drinks. At home we would have been extremely unlikely to meet them since there was considerable animosity between Edinburgh and Glasgow.
Get the screwdriver, quickly - I need to make some adjustments to someone's cranium.