'Twas the Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house not a creature was stirring, not even a grouse;

A "fake coal" gas fire, where the chimneys once were, hindered our hopes St. Nicholas might appear;

The children were nestled all snug in their beds, while visions of new cars danced in their heads;

After mother's game of Mahjong, and my daily blip, we have just settled down for a cosy winter's kip,

Happy Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight!